FORCED HONESTY MEME

[foolishjourney]

The Forced Honesty Meme!

It's exactly as it sounds like. idk what to tell you.

HOW TO PLAY:

-Post a top level for your character
-Comment around to other top levels
-Characters ICly ask questions, and those being asked are forced to answer them truthfully
-If you want, you can even have your characters compelled to ask what's on their minds, if they need that extra push to ask something
-Have fun, be urselves, ilu reverie

Comments

[tumang]

why do you think so little of yourself?

[donkeyballs]

Because I ain't ever been much.

[ Even with forced honesty, it's hard to answer this question. ]

And no one ever thought much of me. Not until recently, anyway. Not until the Roci.

[tumang]

It's bullshit. You're so confident when you pilot, when you tell stories. You should be like that all the time.

So you could believe that Babs wants you.

[donkeyballs]

If I managed the rest of anything else like the way I can fly the Roci, maybe I would be. But there ain't anything else in my life that's as easy as that. That makes as much sense. She's easy to tell stories about and it's easy to know when I've done a damn good job because if I hadn't, we'll all be dead.

If I could do literally nothin' but fly the Roci all the time, I'd be a lot happier.

But the Roci ain't here, an' I'm stuck with nothin' the hell else to do, and I know it.



And I don't know. Part of me thinks she might. The rest of me can't help but just wait for the other shoe to drop, I guess.

[tumang]

So what's wrong with allowing yourself to be happy?

[donkeyballs]

'Cause I don't deserve it.

You know me, Amos. And you can't tell me that you think I'm a great man, after what I did to Talissa and Melas. Or lettin' that shuttle get blown up, or just leavin' all those people on Eros and not even tryin' to save any of 'em, 'cept the ones we were basically forced to.

There's a hell of a difference between the man I want to be and the man I am. Maybe when I get to the second half, it'll be different.

But until then, I've been a selfish enough asshole to last a lifetime.

[tumang]

If you don't deserve it, then what do I deserve? I should just walk myself out of an airlock, if what we've done in the past is all that matters.

[donkeyballs]

[ Alex scrubs his face aggressively. ]

You know I don't want that. Or even think that.

Even if it's just me bein' god damn selfish and wantin' you around because I care about you, I wouldn't want that.

It just -

I can't convince myself I'm worth Gunny. That's all. That's what this is all about, right? I ain't worth that.

[tumang]

You're so full of shit.

Of course you're worth Babs. You do your best, all the fucking time. If that's not enough, then I don't know what can be.

[donkeyballs]

I don't know either.

But I still can't feel it.

If she wanted it, Amos, you know I wouldn't say no. I wouldn't be able to. I'd enjoy whatever I got. But I ain't got any delusions about it. The fact that she's even thinkin' about it at all blows my god damned mind.

Hell, you know she could have anything she wanted. And she should.

I'd never forgive myself, if I lost her friendship just because I couldn't keep control of my own damn feelings.

[tumang]

I hope you don't drown in your double-standards one day, Alex.